If you follow me on Instagram, you've probably heard me blabbing about the making of an upcoming music video for my single "Fantasy". The making of the video has been one part of the process, but the emotional journey started much before any of the logistics were laid out.
Committing to a full-fledged production on a minuscule budget-- think my personal cushion of a savings which is laughable-- sounded absolutely bonkers.
I must be CRAZY to think I should throw thousands at something that may or may not be seen by others, again, dependent on finances and promotion. I must be INSANE to think my song deserved such a grand production of a video. I mean, is the song even a "hit"? Like the Pixies once asked, "Where is my mind?"
Fear kept jumping in and taking control of the steering wheel. It's force was swift and strong, almost swerving me off the road a few times.
However, that burning little voice that was coming from the center of it all kept growing. This all sounded terrifying AND exciting. It was what I use to do as a child-- dreaming, scripting, shooting mini skits and making music. This sounded cathartic.
I asked little Olivia what she thought about all this and she exclaimed, "YES YES! Let's do it!"
So the journey began and you saw all the posts unravel on Instagram.
Fast forward to actually shooting the d*mn thing which opened my eyes to so much more than just making 8 year old and 80 year old Olivia proud (Thanks for that thought Blair!)
I realized that people I love and value in my life, whether it be in the past or present time, were going to be there under the same roof on Day 1.
What a wonderful gift to have people I love come together to create a force that would crush Fear. And what a grand reminder of why I create music to begin with-- to connect.
Some people get married to have this experience of being in a loving environment to celebrate something that is greater than each of us as individuals. I guess I'm doing it while creating music and storytelling as I once did as a wee one.
This journey has been a teacher and reminder of so many lessons as well as an unforgettable experience.
So in conclusion, if a creative endeavor calls you: listen, trust your instincts, throw fear into the backseat (again and again, cause it will try to take the wheel several times), connect with those who will help lift you through the journey (yes, you need to believe in yourself first, but most big projects take a village and it's okay to ask for help), know that you're not alone and that you're worthy.
Studio photos: Ryan Joseph
Thank you to: Jimena Muhlia, Nicki Skalamera, Parker Day, Adam Labay, Megan Sutherland, Janina Applegate, Elizabeth Barchard, Oriana Pumphrey, Lawrence Barchard, Allen Davis, Beau Sorenson, Ian Zazueta, Ryan Joseph, Frank Lopez, Deano Caisip, little Olivia.